I needed some quick business cards yesterday. I went to a Kinkos location in downtown San Francisco. I have come to compare my experience with Kinkos just like visiting Starbucks – pleasant and upbeat, helpful and professionals. But this one location shocked the hell out of me.

Everyone was referring the business card related questions to a one gentleman standing in front of his computer. His reaction and responses were indifferent to say the least or highly impolite to be fair. What I did? Well got frustrated and went away to another location where of course I got the signature Kinkos service.

Later that evening I shared my terrible experience with my wife. With elaborate details of how bad I felt and how non-professional those folks at Kinkos were. “I should have said this and I could have said that…and it is so unfair and I really don’t like it…and how dare they could be so inconsiderate.” etc. etc. And then I had a deja vu, as if this is a rerun of something that happened earlier in my life.

Whenever my dad used to come home from work. He used to share with us his frustrations at the work. We felt so bad for dad and angry with all those of his colleagues who caused him distress. Later whenever we met any of those bad-uncles, we were specially advised to be extra nice. Sort of winning by niceness.

I could understand why I felt so bad at Kinkos. Simple reason, I had a bad experience and frankly I did not deserve it. But how I expressed my frustration and to whom – well that was not right. My wife was not the right recipient of my grievances with folks at Kinkos. Why I acted pretend-nice over there while I kept the frustration inside. And that brings us to second deja vu.

My family emphasized kindness over being fair. Sacrifice over argument. To be perceived nice over being the troublemaker. My dad particularly shared stories of folks who were kind with others and finally universe paid them with its bounties. So kind, kind, and kind was drummed into all of us kid. But were were really kind?

Is kindness at the cost of hiding your true feelings is right approach? Should we always be smiley face or should we sometimes let others know when their actions cause us grief?

We all can debate these for centuries and still have different point of views. One thing we can all agree though is not to to punish the wrong person with the burdens of our complains.

If I decided not to complain at Kinkos, I should stay away from complaining to my wife.